Good Relationships - Your Basic Right

We are in relationship all the time. Even if we try not to be, we can't help it, because in the end even a hermit must contend with himself.

Interacting, sharing, taking, giving, loving, being with the other people on the Earth - it's what we are meant to do. Relationships can bring us joy, teach us everything we should know, and make life worth living. They can also cause us pain, damage our sense of self, and break our hearts.

Lately, I've wondered what constitutes a good relationship. And usually when I ponder and think about a concept long enough the answer appears. Sometimes the answers come in the form a timely email from a friend or a chance encounter with a stranger. This time the answer was in a book that fell into my hands at the perfect time.

When I wanted to know what constitutes a good relationship, I wasn't asking what makes a good marriage or friendship or parent/child relationship. I was searching for something basic, a soul-level answer that could be applied to ANY relationship in my life.

I found it. It's simple and when I read it, I knew in my heart of hearts it was true. I could apply in every aspect of my life, a litmus test to get my bearings with if I feel lost and unsure.

Here it is:

In ANY relationship, I, you, and everyone has rights. Because someone is in a position of authority over us doesn't change our need for these basic rights. In EVERY relationship, we ALWAYS have the right -

To feel safe with the other person.

To be treated respectfully.

To not be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused by another.

To be heard.

To be appreciated and valued for who we are.

To have our privacy and boundaries respected.

To have our basic needs met.

To feel good about ourselves within the relationship.

If these basic ideas are not present in a relationship, then it's time to examine the cause, and make changes accordingly. And be open to the idea that it might be you who is not providing these things for someone else. That's a hard thing to admit but no one is perfect or blameless.

This list of basic needs works for everyone from the very young to the very old. We all deserve to thrive within our relationships. Sometimes that's not the case and it helps to have a set of criteria to determine where you stand.

May we all find peace, happiness, and love in our relationships. And when we can't, may we learn the lessons and move on with open and forgiving hearts.

Blog Award - Someone Loves My Little Bloggy

My dear friends Fin and Meg at Housecat Confidential have given me this award. Apparently they love LifePrints. Well, I love you right back! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to pass on some blogging love to my buddies.

Here are the rules: Link to the giver - Link to the ones you give to - Give to up to seven bloggers - Notify them of the award.

So, drum roll please. I love!!!!

Linda Lou because not only is she a kick butt blogger and writer but she's my friend...the real kind...like I see her, in person, as often as possible.

Helen, also a real life buddy, writes the funniest things. I love her politics and love her.

Then there is Helene, not to be confused with the previous Helen. I also know this lovely lady. I'm sensing a pattern here....lovable bloggers that I know.

I have to give kudos to Heather. I never miss an opportunity. She's a rising star and I'm proud to know her...even if it's only virtually, but we're gonna fix that someday, I hope.

Okay, girls...go forth unto the blogging community and spread the love! Have a great day!

Lisa

What Do You Make Of These Quotes?

Saint Augustine of Hippo said, "Love and do what you will."

He said, "Once and for all, a short rule is laid down for you: Love, and do what you will. If you keep silence, do it out of love. If you cry out, do it out of love. If you refrain from punishing, do it out of love. Let the root of love be within. From such a root nothing but good can come."

Can you see this concept working in your life and the ways in which your daily interactions with others would be different? What would happen if we all lived this way?

Saint Augustine was a prolific writer. His best known work is Confessions, which is an account of his early life. He also wrote The City of God to restore fellow Christians faith in God after the destruction of Rome by the Visigoths in 410AD.

Here is another Saint Augustine quote to ponder: He said, "Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are."

What if we all got angry about poverty, homelessness, and hunger? What if we all had the courage to make sure things did not remain as they are?

Think about it. What do Saint Augustine's words mean to you?

Summer of Excess - Accomplishments and Blessings

Yesterday my oldest son finished high school. I'm very proud of him. He's the artist type, the creative, esoteric type that sees little use in a formal education. School was a struggle, not because he couldn't do it. He's among the smartest in his class. It was a struggle because for a perceptive, visionary young man the traditional education system offered him nothing of value.

I believe he's graduating to prove to everyone that he didn't really need anything they taught within the walls of his high school. His diploma will be an anti-accomplishment and his future accomplishments a way to thumb his nose at the establishment. And that's okay, in the long run, those are the people, the mavericks, who grow up to change the world. They are full of big ideas that don't fit into the mold of single-minded society. All I can say is, "That's my boy!"

As we watched the coverage of the end of the democratic primary, I told him, "You have two things to remember this day by. It's the day you finished high school and the day your candidate (and mine) won the nomination for president." They are both historic events.

Another event I'd like to mark is the wedding of Jimmy Nettles and Tina Thompson. I was honored to stand at Tina's side as they pledged their love to one another. The love emanating from the two of them was almost overwhelming, so much so that I stopped looking at Jimmy's face after I felt tears welling up to match his emotion.

The bride and groom sang "Only God Could Love You More" to each other and I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. Congratulations to Tina and Jimmy. I believe they will share many happy years together, learning and growing, nurturing and loving each other. Not to mention they will have tons of fun because they enjoy each other so much. What more could they ask for?

I know the winding path Tina's walked to find this love. Nothing is by chance. Each step, though some were painful, were laid out by God. This was a joyous stepping stone, one that I hope leads to many, many more like it.