Caregiver - Stepping Up When A Loved One Needs You

Sometimes your life changes in an instant and instead of inviting your adult son over for dinner you're holding his head coaxing him to eat just one more bite. Other times change comes so slowly you don't notice the metamorphosis until you realize that your mother not only depends on you to balance her checkbook and drive her to an endless secession of doctor's appointments but lately she needs help with baths and personal care, too.

The majority of us will be faced with situations similar to these or we might even be the recipient of the loving kindness of another. Let's face it, even if we avoid a serious illness or accident, we are living decades longer than previous generations...if we are not the caregiver, we will mostly become the cared for.

I am often reminded of my mother and the way she tirelessly cared for two sisters and an aunt. Every week for nearly twenty years she shuttled between two nursing homes, forty miles apart, to look after the people she loved. They needed her. She was there and that was that. In her words, "Someone had to do it so I did."

When I think of this I am renewed in my guilt that my mother is in her seventies and I, her only child, live thousands of miles away. One day, I know that will have to change. She will need me and I will make the necessary adjustments to care for her as she did so faithfully for others.

Many times my mother felt overwhelmed and didn't know where to turn for help. She muddled through it the best way she could. Apparently, things have not changed much since the twenty years since. I spoke with a friend recently who shared that her husband had been diagnosed with a debilitating illness. She's feeling the same isolation and confusion as my mother and so many others have experienced.

For my friend, and all those I know who are in her situation, I've compiled a short list of places on the web that might be helpful. I want my friend to remember that she is doing a noble thing, a loving and charitable thing at a time in history when it seems people turn away from heavy responsibilities. I want her to know that she is up to the task and she has support. Caregivers should be held in the highest esteem. As with my mother and many like her, my friend has my respect.

To care for those who cannot care for themselves is our highest calling as human beings and is rarely recognized as such.

Caregiver Resource List:

National Family Caregivers Association
Helene Moore, Author of Behind the Mask
Caregiver.com
Administration on Aging
Family Caregiver Alliance
Resources from the US Government
Ways To Connect With Other Caregivers from the American Cancer Society
Disabled Veterans
Alzheimer's Association
Emotional Side of Chronic Illness

I hope this helps in some small way. Reader, if you have a link for this list please put it in the comments section and I'll add it as soon as I can. Share you story, if you have one, it might just help someone in the same situation.

Nurses' Advice - How To Support a Hospitalized Friend

Often we find ourselves with sick or hospitalized friends. It's difficult to know what to do to help them. Recently, nurses for the Saint Rose Dominican Hospital system got together to offer these suggestions for providing comfort to families of the sick and also for the patient.

Encourage Communication - A sick or injured person may not fully understand tests or exams to b e performed on them. By simply asking your friend, "Do you understand or need a nurse to explain things to you?" you could highlight the patient's needs for the nursing staff. The staff is always willing to help out and spend time making your friend feel more comfortable about the treatment they are receiving.

Offer Specific Support - If you ask, "How can I help?" your friend's family may say, "Don't worry. We're taken care of." Try making a specific offer such as, "I'd like to drop by and walk your dog, if that's okay. I could use the exercise myself." Most likely they will happily say yes.

Stay In Touch - Parents of sick newborns and children often find that friends distance themselves at a time when they need the most support. Keep in touch. Don't be afraid to mention the obvious; these parents would rather have some sort of communications than none at all.

Leave Your Troubles Behind - Emotions run high when a family member is hospitalized, even for a happy occasion like a birth. For the patient's sake don't bring your personal issues to their bedsides.

Provide Comfort Items - Patients appreciate having the comforts of home. Soft pillows and cozy fleece blankets make great gifts. A home-cooked meal is a definite pick-me up, but check on dietary restrictions first.

Make It Quick or Quiet - Patients often tire themselves out trying to be good hosts to visitors. Keep visits short and reassure the patient that it's okay for them to rest.

Respect the Patient's Wishes - Don't get upset if your friend's family decides to limit visitors, especially for childbirth hospitalizations. Women often comment that the most difficult aspect of having a baby is trying to have their own way without offending extended family who want to be in the room.

Next time you have a loved one in the hospital use these simple tips to help them on the road to recovery. Above all else, think of how you would want to be treated if you were the one in the bed and follow your best instincts.