Thursday, July 9, 2009

Good Relationships - Your Basic Right

We are in relationship all the time. Even if we try not to be, we can't help it, because in the end even a hermit must contend with himself.

Interacting, sharing, taking, giving, loving, being with the other people on the Earth - it's what we are meant to do. Relationships can bring us joy, teach us everything we should know, and make life worth living. They can also cause us pain, damage our sense of self, and break our hearts.

Lately, I've wondered what constitutes a good relationship. And usually when I ponder and think about a concept long enough the answer appears. Sometimes the answers come in the form a timely email from a friend or a chance encounter with a stranger. This time the answer was in a book that fell into my hands at the perfect time.

When I wanted to know what constitutes a good relationship, I wasn't asking what makes a good marriage or friendship or parent/child relationship. I was searching for something basic, a soul-level answer that could be applied to ANY relationship in my life.

I found it. It's simple and when I read it, I knew in my heart of hearts it was true. I could apply in every aspect of my life, a litmus test to get my bearings with if I feel lost and unsure.

Here it is:
In ANY relationship, I, you, and everyone has rights. Because someone is in a position of authority over us doesn't change our need for these basic rights. In EVERY relationship, we ALWAYS have the right -
To feel safe with the other person.
To be treated respectfully.
To not be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused by another.
To be heard.
To be appreciated and valued for who we are.
To have our privacy and boundaries respected.
To have our basic needs met.
To feel good about ourselves within the relationship.
If these basic ideas are not present in a relationship, then it's time to examine the cause, and make changes accordingly. And be open to the idea that it might be you who is not providing these things for someone else. That's a hard thing to admit but no one is perfect or blameless.
This list of basic needs works for everyone from the very young to the very old. We all deserve to thrive within our relationships. Sometimes that's not the case and it helps to have a set of criteria to determine where you stand.
May we all find peace, happiness, and love in our relationships. And when we can't, may we learn the lessons and move on with open and forgiving hearts.

13 comments:

Joe said...

May your heart be bathed in the same kindness it so freely gives. My heart is with you and the family always.

Fin said...

What a lovely post Lisa, as always. Hope you are well!

Shout out to Harry and Domino!

Lisa McGlaun said...

Hi Joe,

Thank you for the lovely words. It's means alot to me.

All the Best,
Lisa

Lisa McGlaun said...

Hello Fin!!!

Thank you. Harry and Domino say hi back. They are waving with their paws.

Best Wishes,
Lisa

bento said...

came from Portugal. Your blog is a real lifprint...of a person with humour and good sense. I'm going to be a visit of yours.

All the best

Lisa McGlaun said...

Bento,

Thanks for the comment. It's nice to know that I have readers all over the world! Have a great day.

Lisa

Anonymous said...

True..I agree and I hope we all find happiness.. Grt post shade2009

Micah said...

This is a great post.. Very informative... I can see that you put a lot of hard work on your every post that's why I think I'd come here more often. Keep it up! By the way, you can also drop by my blogs. They're about Vegetable Gardening and Composting. I'm sure you'd find my blogs helpful too.

Anonymous said...

It is rather interesting for me to read this post. Thanx for it. I like such topics and everything connected to them. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

Fin said...

Just thinking of you and hoping you are well!

badthing1 said...

Hi Lisa,

I so enjoyed your introspective and inspiring words.

Hope everything is ok with you and yours.

rtfgvb7824 said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

Priya Shankar said...

Hi Lisa, I just stumbled upon your blog and loved your post. It was interesting how you placed relationships into the rights discourse-- you could argue into human rights discourse. Great blog and look forward to reading more :)
-Priya